然而，任何人一旦被攻擊，一定會感到憤怒，並想還擊。一個關係不管多麼失衡，這一點也不例外。但在嚴重失衡的關係中，弱勢一方不敢表達憤怒，更不敢還擊，他們的意識和潛意識甚至還會發生嚴重的分裂，根本意識不到自己的憤怒。
但是，憤怒一旦產生，就一定會尋找宣洩的出口的。弱勢一方根本不能直接表達憤怒，那麼，他們絕對不敢違背強勢一方的要求，絕對不敢挑戰強勢一方的意志，在強勢方的強大攻擊下，他們唯唯諾諾，乖得不得了。
然而，他們會出現一些莫名其妙的情況。很簡單的事情，他們做砸了;很容易兌現的承諾，他們卻不守信……總之，他們常犯一些莫名其妙的錯誤，令強勢一方暴跳如雷。
當暴跳如雷時，強勢一方看上去仿佛是遭到了嚴重侵犯似的。
這也正是弱勢一方的還擊，也是弱勢一方潛意識深處的渴望。他們沒有表達出強有力的憤怒，甚至沒有表現出一點憤怒，但他們通過犯一些莫名其妙的錯誤的方式最終達到效果，卻和直接用憤怒攻擊強勢方沒什麼兩樣。
這種心理機制，叫做被動攻擊，常被比喻為“隱形攻擊”。
一個14歲的女孩，有一個小她6歲的弟弟。自從弟弟出生後，父母原本對她的愛幾乎全部轉移到弟弟身上了，對她非常忽略。她渴望父母的愛，但她不敢表達，因為父母對她很不耐煩。因此，她心中很不高興，但她不敢表達對父母的怨氣，因為她擔心一旦表達了，可能連目前的愛都得不到了。於是，她爭著做家務，爭著照顧她無比嫉妒的弟弟。然而，她總是犯一些大大小小的錯誤。洗衣服時，她不是把各色衣服混到一起令它們相互染色，就是忘了晾衣服。做飯時，常把飯菜燒糊，還很容易摔碎碗碟。照顧弟弟時，她刻意對弟弟好，弟弟就是不願意和她在一起。總之，她非常盡力地去做各種事情，但好像什麼事情都做不好。其實，她的這一切“無心之失”都可能是被動攻擊。
被攻擊，會憤怒。作為一種基本情緒，憤怒是調節關係遠近的重要武器，並且，有了憤怒，一定會想辦法表達。意識不想，潛意識也會做這個工作。不攻擊別人，就會攻擊自己。
正是從這個意義上，美國心理學家湯瑪斯摩爾在他的著作《靈魂的黑夜》中寫道：最好只和會表達憤怒的人做朋友。因為，看似不會表達憤怒的人，其實也在用他的獨特方式來回擊你，而最常見的就是被動攻擊。
此外，你還很容易內疚。畢竟，被動攻擊者看上去是很無辜的。
不過，我們不能輕易責怪被動攻擊者，因為之所以成為這個樣子，幾乎必然是他的憤怒被一些重要人物給嚴重壓制了。譬如，孩子憤怒的資格被父母剝奪了，妻子憤怒的權力被丈夫給劫掠了。他們在這些重要的關係中形成了被動攻擊這種消極的自我保護方式，然後將它帶到了生活中各個地方。(在專制情緒遍佈工作場所和家庭場所的中國，被動攻擊性格的人很多，以溫和的姿態出現，但你能隱隱感覺到他們被壓抑的和不健全的人格。歸根結底，人的內心需要一種平衡機制，如果正常的途徑被壓制，那麼就會發展出另一種途徑。
There is an unbalanced relationship among many individuals, in which one part is apparently strong and mighty while the other part is weak and vulnerable. Furthermore, the strong part is so aggressive that prohibit the other part to show their true feeling.
But, anyone who has been attacked will definitely feel irrigated and have a desire to fight back. There is no exception whatever how unbalanced this relationship is. However, if it is a severely unbalanced relationship, the weak part dare not to express their irrigation and even not to fight back. Sometimes they can't utterly be aware of their anger. Then there will be a serious schizophrenia in their consciousness and subconsciousness.
Once the irrigation has emerged, people is bound to be on the way to find how to have it vented. The weak part don't have the ability to express their outrage through. They dare not to disobey the requirement of the strong part and not to challenge their intention as well. They are apparent to be compliant and well-behaved when confronting the strong part.
But, they tend to have some inexplicable behaviors in this process. Such as constantly messing up simple stuffs or turn back promise which is easy to be delivered. They usually make mistakes which infuriate the strong part. So the strong part appear to be severely intruded.
This is exactly the counteract and the revolt of the vulnerable part and it is also the deep desire in their subconsciousness. They would not express intensive outrage and even a little bit of it. However, they reach the same point by make some inexplicable mistakes and it seems no different between directly indicate their mood.
This kind of psychological mechanism is called passive aggressiveness disorder, which often deem as a kind of invisible aggressiveness.
There are a 14 years old girl and her 6-year-old-younger brother. Since her little brother was born, their parents transmit almost all of their love toward her to him and hardly pay some attentions to her. She desperate to be loved but dare not to express it because her parents are all impatient to her. She is unhappy but have no courage to say any word about her unsatisfaction with them. Because she is worried about if she says it out, the slight love left will gone as well. So she struggles to do all houseworks and take care of the little brother she is jealous of so much. But she always makes some mistakes. She mingles outfits of distinct colors and let them dye each other when in laundry. She deliberately attend her brother very well but he still do not enjoy staying with her. All in all, she gives her best shot to do everything but it appears that they are all messed up. In fact, all of these unintentional mistakes are exactly the passive aggressiveness of her.
As a elementary emotion of humanity, being able to be angry when be attacked is an important weapon to regulate the relationship among people. Human beings are bound to have some approaches to show their outrage. Even if someone is not aware of it, his subconsciousness will take over this job. If he will not fight others back, he will fight himself back.
The American psychologist Thomas Moore wrote in his book The dark night of the soul:"You had better make friends with someones who know how to express anger. Because the ones who seem not to be pissed off constantly is actually using their peculiar means to respond you. Passive aggressiveness is the most common.
Some guys seem too kind and will not be angry permanently but you always feel uncomfortable and have a bad temper when staying with him. The reason of this is these individuals frequently attacked you by their passive aggressiveness. Moreover, for the sake of the invisibility of these aggressiveness, it appears you cannot return it back and if you really do so, it will be like punching on a cotton cover and cannot show any strength.
Besides this, you will feel guilty because the ones with passive aggressiveness always seems quite innocent.
Nonetheless, we are not supposed to blame these ones because the reason why they behave as this is their outrage is suppressed by some important individuals for them. Children's right to indicate anger is deprived by their parents and wives' is deprived by husbands. Then they forms a self-protect approach negatively, or passive aggressiveness in these important relationship. They take it everywhere in their lives.
In China where the despotism emotion is extensively existing in each workplaces and families, there are loads of people with passive aggressiveness. They communicate to each other in a very mild posture but you can still feel their suppressed and disintegrating personality. In conclusion, human being's heart needs a balanced mechanism. If the normal ways to achieve it are suppressed, there will generate others approaches.
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